im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
