Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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