i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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