I wanna bring you to show and tell
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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