I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize