oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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