it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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