Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
