You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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