Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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