Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
