somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
