He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
