You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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