he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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