I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
