Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
