Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
