It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
