i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
