so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
