mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
