no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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