Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
