I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
