Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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