At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
