the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
