I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
