____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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