the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My Sexting was not on an AP level
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize