i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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