I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
