He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
