dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
