I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize