and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
