I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
