I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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