tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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