just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
