My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
