Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
