the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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