if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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