:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize