I want to make a zoo with you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
