Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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