you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
