if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
