I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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