I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's Friday. Sex?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
