Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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