Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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