Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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