I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He shit in the fireplace
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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