I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
