So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
