problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
