You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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