So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
