I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize