Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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