:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
