dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
