My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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